Wishes for 2012: a truly Divalicious Divas’ division

December 31, 2011

I am wishing for Beth Phoenix and Natalya to stop jobbing to useless bimbos like Alicia Fox, and when Kharma returns I want the Divas division begins to include more wrestling and less U R JUS JELUS storylines.

Admittedly, this is probably the least likely scenario of all those on my wish-list so far: in a world where the Hart Dynasty are jobbing to Eve and Zack Ryder, there’s unlikely to be any prominence given to actual wrestling skills. Still, the New Year is the appropriate time to look forward with unbridled optimism, and so I include this as one of my 2012 wishes with the genuine hope that one day it’ll be granted.

Wishes for 2012: normal-looking breasts for female talent, please

December 30, 2011

I cannot even exaggerate how much I hope that the breasts of various female talent (Traci Brooks, Aksana, to name a few) magically reduce in size and start to look a little less terrifying.

In Aksana’s case, I think I actually find the breasts themselves more offensive than the single-entendre lines she keeps spouting. Although less offensive than Santino miming physical excitement through the medium of the Cobra. Ugh.

I appreciate that cosmetic surgery and presentation of this ilk is a feminist issue, so without going into the perceived political rights and wrongs of the procedures, I shall just conclude that Traci Brooks’s breasts don’t even look like breasts, which is surely not the intention.

So Divas and Knockouts – please, in 2012, just say no to the knife. Or if you really must get implants, please get ones that look like something that might conceivably be seen in nature.

Wishes for 2012: William Regal manages Wade Barrett to championship glory

December 29, 2011

Yes, this MUST be the year that William Regal finally pulls together his United Kingdom stable. And it simply makes sense that he’ll manage Wade Barrett in an attempt to overthrow of his former protege Daniel Bryan’s World Heavyweight title reign.

WWE ’12 is just a teaser and a tryout.

If the rumours about Randy Orton’s injury are true, then surely Barrett is next in line for the championship picture, where he can heel it up to his heart’s content (with his jacket). It all falls into place. Regal – get on it.

Here’s Regal v Bryan from Superstars in the UK this autumn:

Wishes for 2012: that Kurt Angle gets to the Olympics, and then retires

December 28, 2011

Call me a sentimentalist, but I don’t want poor Kurt Angle to be running round a ring well into his fifties.

It’s undignified. And dangerous.

I can understand why he wants another gold medal shot – so give it your best, Kurt, and then step back.

For no other reason than that I cannot bear another storyline where it’s touted that you’ll lose your gold medal if you lose…

Here’s Kurt winning the gold in 1996.

Wishes for 2012: to see more UK indy wrestling

December 27, 2011

I’ve loved seeing ridiculously youthful talent like Noam Dar and Mark Andrews this year; we won’t have a DragonGate show in Britain next year but perhaps Mark Haskins might get some TV time in TNA, and I’m sure Marty Scurll will be kicking around somewhere; the enigma that is Zack Sabre Jr will continue to top the bill; and I’ll also be looking out for people like official friend of TOWIS Eddie Dennis. Fingers crossed too that Lionheart has indeed signed that big contract!

Just to show you that it’s worth keeping an eye on our UK indy scene, here’s the current WWE heavyweight champion against Zack Sabre Jr in the back room of a Coventry pub in 2008…

Wishes for 2012: Sting to join Impact Wrestling UK tour

December 26, 2011

OK, this one SHOULD actually happen, but you never know with wrasslin’. I am very much hoping that Sting actually does come to the UK on the TNA tour, as I’ve been told is planned.

He’s not been over here for the best part of the last two decades, so I’m guessing that if he does come, this’ll be the last chance we Brits have to see him in in-ring action.

Here’s a clip of Sting from WCW Nitro, bashing up Hogan’s minions in the nWo…

More than that, I’m desperately hoping that TOWIS manages to get an exclusive interview with him. Keep your eyes peeled – I’ll let you know if I hear anything.

Fact: it’s Christmas!

December 25, 2011

Season’s greetings to all TOWIS readers from me…and from Wade.

Fact: 2012 will be WWE’s year of Vince’s Angels

December 21, 2011

“Once upon a time, there were three little boys who worked in the indies.

“And they were each assigned very hazardous duties, such as working matches with Teddy Hart, and veering towards a TNA contract.

“But I took them all away from all that and now they work for me.

“My name is Vince.
















Fact: Daniel Bryan is our new WWE World Heavyweight Champion

December 19, 2011

That title consists of a series of words I never thought I’d type in that order.

Hands up who was expecting Bryan to be the first Money in the Bank briefcase winner to cash in and lose?

Sure, I’m a little bit disappointed that he didn’t wait for Wrestlemania (although not so much that I’ll repeatedly misuse the word “hypocrite”, like Michael Cole), but this was awesome.

And it’s mostly awesome because it happened at Big Show’s expense: he was the one who was trying to persuade Bryan a few weeks ago to cash in on Mark Henry, because it doesn’t matter when you take your opportunity as being a world champion is more important than anything. Let’s hope that Show’s two-minute-long title reign gave him a lot of happiness.

Congratulations, Dragon!

Question: which WWE TLC match are you most looking forward to?

December 17, 2011

If I’ve got my calculations correct, we’ve got six matches coming up on tomorrow’s WWE Tables Ladders Chairs pay-per-view. (No Divas match – girls aren’t allowed in TLC any more, and that’s probably just as well. Can you imagine the havoc Alicia Fox would wreak?)

So which of the following – if any – are you most looking forward to?