I am wishing for Beth Phoenix and Natalya to stop jobbing to useless bimbos like Alicia Fox, and when Kharma returns I want the Divas division begins to include more wrestling and less U R JUS JELUS storylines.
Admittedly, this is probably the least likely scenario of all those on my wish-list so far: in a world where the Hart Dynasty are jobbing to Eve and Zack Ryder, there’s unlikely to be any prominence given to actual wrestling skills. Still, the New Year is the appropriate time to look forward with unbridled optimism, and so I include this as one of my 2012 wishes with the genuine hope that one day it’ll be granted.
I cannot even exaggerate how much I hope that the breasts of various female talent (Traci Brooks, Aksana, to name a few) magically reduce in size and start to look a little less terrifying.
In Aksana’s case, I think I actually find the breasts themselves more offensive than the single-entendre lines she keeps spouting. Although less offensive than Santino miming physical excitement through the medium of the Cobra. Ugh.
I appreciate that cosmetic surgery and presentation of this ilk is a feminist issue, so without going into the perceived political rights and wrongs of the procedures, I shall just conclude that Traci Brooks’s breasts don’t even look like breasts, which is surely not the intention.
So Divas and Knockouts – please, in 2012, just say no to the knife. Or if you really must get implants, please get ones that look like something that might conceivably be seen in nature.
Yes, this MUST be the year that William Regal finally pulls together his United Kingdom stable. And it simply makes sense that he’ll manage Wade Barrett in an attempt to overthrow of his former protege Daniel Bryan’s World Heavyweight title reign.
WWE ’12 is just a teaser and a tryout.
If the rumours about Randy Orton’s injury are true, then surely Barrett is next in line for the championship picture, where he can heel it up to his heart’s content (with his jacket). It all falls into place. Regal – get on it.
Here’s Regal v Bryan from Superstars in the UK this autumn:
That title consists of a series of words I never thought I’d type in that order.
Hands up who was expecting Bryan to be the first Money in the Bank briefcase winner to cash in and lose?
Sure, I’m a little bit disappointed that he didn’t wait for Wrestlemania (although not so much that I’ll repeatedly misuse the word “hypocrite”, like Michael Cole), but this was awesome.
And it’s mostly awesome because it happened at Big Show’s expense: he was the one who was trying to persuade Bryan a few weeks ago to cash in on Mark Henry, because it doesn’t matter when you take your opportunity as being a world champion is more important than anything. Let’s hope that Show’s two-minute-long title reign gave him a lot of happiness.
If I’ve got my calculations correct, we’ve got six matches coming up on tomorrow’s WWE Tables Ladders Chairs pay-per-view. (No Divas match – girls aren’t allowed in TLC any more, and that’s probably just as well. Can you imagine the havoc Alicia Fox would wreak?)
So which of the following – if any – are you most looking forward to?