Fact: Kharma is back and she is AMAZING

January 30, 2012

It’s 3.30 here in the UK, and Kharma has returned to the WWE in the Royal Rumble, making her the third woman to compete in the event.

She busted Dolph Ziggler’s implants, and eliminated Hunico, and made Michael Cole cry like a scared child.

I don’t know when she had her baby, but guessing that she was three months’ pregnant at the end of May when she stepped back from competition, I’m estimating that it must have been in November at the very earliest.

This makes her more incredible than she is already. In your face, all you stupid internet marks who don’t think women wrestlers should be allowed to have a job AND children.

Kharma is back. And she is ready to squash some bitches. Including Michael Cole. Hooray!

Hulk Hogan’s World Tour, aka TNA Impact Wrestling TV taping, Saturday January 28, Wembley, London, ENGLAND!

January 29, 2012

So tonight I was invited along to the Impact Wrestling TV tapings at Wembley Arena. Obviously the two shows I saw being filmed won’t air for a couple of weeks yet, so this report is slightly spoilery, but I’ll try not to give too much away.

Without further ado, some facts about the shows:

1. TNA are returning to the UK next year, and doing shows at the same venues (Manchester, Nottingham, London) plus Glasgow Braehead. Read the rest of this entry »

Question: What the hell has Natalya done, and who has she annoyed?

January 27, 2012

Seriously. Spoiler alert and all that if you’re not in the UK, but tonight on Smackdown Natalya jobs in two seconds to Aksana.


On her Smackdown debut.

In her ridiculous lace gear and with her ridiculous pornographic sax ring music.

This followed a segment in which she apparently broke wind, much to the disgust of Teddy Long, his courtesan, and Santino Marella.

When was the last time Nattie won? What happened to the Divas of Destruction? Why is she being wasted in this way while lesser Diva talents (ALICIA FOX I’M LOOKING AT YOU) are being put over with reckless abandon? Who has she annoyed and how?

Please tell me, because I’m damned if I know.

Question: CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho – who is the real Best In The World?

January 27, 2012

Daniel Bryan aka Bryan Danielson aka appreciative boyfriend of AJ aka the World Heavyweight Champion has taken CM Punk and Chris Jericho to task via WWE.com.


Because of their use of the “best in the world” schtick.

Of course, he’s been asserting his claim to that particular title for years, and thinks that Punk and Jericho are mere pretenders to the throne.

So – what do you think?

Question: Who does Randy Orton think he is?

January 25, 2012

I don’t mean that in the existential sense, or in the “he hears voices in his head” confused sense. I mean that in the arrogant, self-centred, egotistical sense.

The only justifiable explanation I can think of for his comments in the most recent WWE magazine would be that it was in character. Yes, one of the company’s top faces is a mostly silent guy who acts like a heel and still gets cheered, so that might be a reason for saying:

“There’s not many guys in the locker room right now that I haven’t worked with or that I feel I can have that big WrestleMania match with. Who have I not worked with that’s anybody? Up-and-comers are being groomed to be the next top star, but will they ever get to where I’ve got?”

Dude, why are you asking these questions? Read the rest of this entry »

Question: Do you want to see a feud between Daniel Bryan and William Regal?

January 23, 2012

I feel a bit daft even asking the question, because the answer is surely a foregone conclusion.

But that wily old rogue William Regal has jumped back on his hobby-horse – he still wants to be the first English WWE champion, and he wants his old pupil Daniel Bryan to give him a title match.

I particularly love this tweet from Regal: “One thing though,I don’t deserve a title shot, but I want one.” Fantastic. I’m so bored with challengers in WWE (and TNA, come to that) demanding the matches they reckon they “deserve” – being honest about wanting something is truly good to hear.

One can only hope that Regal’s dancing prowess on last week’s Smackdown is a first step towards getting him back on the main shows. After all, Bryan can’t continue to feud with the two monsters indefinitely, a) because it’s dull and b) because they’re both broken.

So – do you want to see this Bryan/Regal championship match?

Fact: 2012 is the year of epic WTF faces in WWE

January 20, 2012

I’m very impressed with the acting skills on show in the WWE so far this year. Mostly the Superstars are perfecting expressions of confusion and bewilderment, and putting them to good use.

So, for your enjoyment and amusement, here are a few of my favourite “are you freakin’ KIDDING me?” faces from recent WWE programming. (Click the images to enlarge.)

Obviously, the arrival of the Funkasaurus Brodus Clay has triggered several.

We’ll start with his first victim. Here’s Curt Hawkins!

Read the rest of this entry »

Question: what is the point of Perez Hilton, and why is he on WWE Monday Night RAW?

January 17, 2012

OK, so I understood (and in fact positively welcomed) the presence of Hugh Jackman and the Muppets, who had movies to shill when they were guests on Monday Night RAW.

But why Perez Hilton? (Certainly it is a question of our times.)

He wasn’t a guest throughout the show. He just announced the Divas match – the lowest-prestige match he could have been asked to announce, of course – and that was it.

Actually, no, that wasn’t it. He was booed roundly and vociferously by the crowd, and even his attempt at self-deprecation didn’t win them round.

It all ties into the Divas being guest bloggers on Hilton’s latest media enterprise, all about health and fitness. Seriously. Why is this happening?

Is Vince hoping for a rise in viewing figures stemming from Hilton’s readership? If so, I’d suggest he cuts out the sexism and the homophobia (which we saw yet again last night as Punk took the traditional Jerry Lawler role of mocking Vickie Guerrero and her appearance) as I don’t imagine that’ll be too popular.

And while we’re at it, not entirely sure how Hilton’s bitchiness fits in with the Show Tolerance and Respect thing. But then again I’m not entirely sure how WWE’s product itself does, so perhaps that’s not as odd.

YouTube: Daniel Bryan vs Jamie Noble at WWE RAW house show

January 16, 2012

It seems that Jamie Noble has slunk out of retirement on this most recent round of house shows, wrestling WWE World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan in Yakima, Washington, over the weekend.

There are various reports about the match online, but so far the only clip I can find is this one, with Bryan’s promo, and small excerpts from the match. David Otunga’s theme plays from 3.40 onwards – he’s the minion who announces Noble as Bryan’s opponent, not the opponent himself.

The match ran over ten minutes, apparently, so I’ll keep checking and feed back if I find anything more enlightening.

YouTube: Marty Scurll gets the party started on ITV1’s Take Me Out

January 16, 2012

Did you miss ITV1’s epic Take Me Out this weekend? Then you missed a treat.

This lower-brow Blind Date, full of single entendres, fake tan and desperation, featured UK wrestling’s very own Marty Scurll as a contestant on Saturday night.

And Southside Wrestling have obligingly recorded it for posterity.

Look out too for a good old-fashioned rib from Jimmy Havoc.