Facts from Monday Night RAW, Live from London, April 22nd 2013

20130422_182447[1]It was an impulse purchase after the announcement of that six-man tag match, OK? I don’t normally hold with paying six quid in booking fees, but I felt the investment would be worthwhile. And it was, kind of. (Spoilers if you’re reading this before the show airs, or if you particularly care about what happens on Superstars.) (Though why you should when WWE don’t, I’m not quite sure.)

  • When Michael McGillicutty took to the ring against an Uso, the arena rang to the sound of the chant “Mr Perfect”. And I nearly cried.
  • They tried to make me cheer Matt Striker. I said no, no, no.
  • Huge, huge pop for JBL, repeated through the night as he waved his hat at the audience.
  • That stupid old water-spitter Triple H broke poor Paul Heyman.
  • The Rock has made it socially acceptable for wrestling fans to shout “Twinkie Tits” to Heyman.
  • R-Truth returned to the scene of his greatest triumph, turning water heel and breaking the law by smoking, and followed it with another – beating Antonio Cesaro clean in about two minutes.
  • Dolphin Ziggler and AJ seem to be trying to convince us that Kaitlyn is fat. Let us hope that this will not be another Piggy James episode.
  • Big E Langston got a singles match, against Zack Ryder.
  • They have taken away his I’m a soldier, like I told ya, biggy biggy BIGGY BIGGY BEEP BEEP theme music, which made me sad.
  • Nobody else in the entire arena seemed to have ever seen NXT, so nobody chanted for FIVE or ONE MORE TIME, which made me even sadder.
  • It is not amusing to chant ‘Albert’ at Tensai, and yet people persist.
  • Daniel Bryan had a game plan for the new version of the Brothers of Destruction, which included diagrams.
  • Kane warned him not to try to hug the Undertaker.
  • He did anyway.
  • When the sound system kicked in with “SIERRA! HOTEL!” I screamed like a little girl at a One Direction concert.
  • The six-man tag match was as great as you’d expect. Seth Rollins and Bryan in particular had a wonderful little section, and it may be wishful thinking but it looked as if they were trying to develop a feud between Undertaker and Dean Ambrose.
  • Summer Rae is accompanying Fandango as his dancer on this tour. It was odd seeing her without Paige racing after her to rip out her hair extensions.
  • William Regal was given a rapturous hero’s welcome as he strode out to face Fandango, and the Fandangoing was halted in favour of raucous “Eng-er-land!” chants.
  • Their match lasted maybe 90 seconds.
  • AJ was the winner of a Divas’ Battle Royal (with, like, five people in it, one of whom was Aksana) to win the number one contendership.
  • Nobody gave a tiny rat’s ass.
  • Mick Foley and Ryback talked at each other for a bit (with Ryback calling the Hall of Famer a fat, pathetic, lazy bastard, which was amazing).
  • John Cena interrupted them and then hit the Shield with a chair. Because he’s a good guy, you know?
  • It is pleasant to know that the end of RAW is so overwhelmingly disappointing across continents, leading everyone to swear and curse and invite John Cena to sod off.
  • I shall be interested to see it back on TV.

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